I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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