maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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