a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
