Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
