why didn't you poke me back
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
