So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
