I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
