he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
