I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
