In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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