Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
