Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
