I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
