is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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