RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
