girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
