If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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