i love accidental penises.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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