She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
