Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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