So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My vagina just clenched in fear
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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