so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
