You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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