i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
