gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
