I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
