He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk is not a location!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
