so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
