plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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