OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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