My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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