Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
