I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
