The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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