im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
