In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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