Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
