I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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