your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
