Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
