Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
