i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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