I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
