I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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