Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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