I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
