i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
