I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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