well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
