hell yes lets make some ravioli
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
