he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
