If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
