O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
