Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
