So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
