I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
