I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
