Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
